Thursday, September 8, 2011

Bionic Z

Aaaaaah mortality, ya can't live with it you can't live without it?

The other day I found myself trapped in a stairwell. Up until roughly exactly June 9 this wouldn't have phased me. I was paying a friend a visit in her fancy concierge patrolled apartment and I was buzzed up to the wrong floor. I walked down one flight of stairs to find myself locked in the stairwell. Panic did not set in, but I was reminded once again how isolated one is in such a situation, if for instance one didn't have a mobile with them or say . . . had a cardiac arrest and no one knew where they were.

The good news is that when I had my cardiac arrest on June 4th I did not make it inside my building and did not end up forgotten in a stairwell, or ultimately worse. Fortunately I had the presence of mind to let my heart stop beating in the parking lot of my building, where a mere glimpse of my blond hair on the pavement summoned an angel to come to my rescue. Renee from the 3rd floor (heaven) found me literally taking my last two breaths. Within minutes she had dialled 911, had begun CPR and the fire department was on its way.

There's a bunch of relatively frightening (fortunately I don't remember any of it) stuff that happened, just ask anyone who remained at the hospital with me during my intubation, coma and amnesia. I became fully awake on June 9th. Although I have not so pleasant blurry memories of the MRI the day before.

Distressing things that happen when you have a cardiac arrest:
- You get cut out of your clothes when they defibrillate you, and for me specifically that includes your favorite vintage sundress and totally boss neon undies.
- You scare the bejesus out of everyone you care about, and you don't even know it.
- You end up in hospital.
- You get sliced open and they put a mini defibrillator in you . . . FOREVER. Or until the batteries wear down and it starts beeping inside of you and you get sliced open again so they can change it.
- You meet a total ass-hat named Sebastian.
- You can no longer lift anything over 50lbs EVER AGAIN.

Delightful things that happen when you have a cardiac arrest:
- You realize how lucky you are to have friends like mine.
- You get A LOT of flowers.
- You get A LOT of visitors.
- You get A LOT of treats.
- You become really really popular.
- You inspire people to find their hearts again.

A whole bunch has gone down since early June. I only recently got the official go-ahead from the doc to go back to work. The past 2 months have been a most unprecedented and unwelcome sabbatical. All I have to show for it is a bitchin' tan. A tan I miraculously got in Vancouver during a Summer that has been doing a very convincing impression of late Fall.

1 comment:

Heather Anne said...

I'm glad you're alive. Hospitals suck. I had a two month medical leave in 2008 after I had to have my intestines ripped out, and I have to say that it was very welcome. Very welcome indeed. Besides, you know, the actual medical stuff.